Go To the Hidden Place

In 2020, I had a panic attack that turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life. 

The first moments began in a familiar sequence: I felt the surge of fear creep up the back of my neck, exploding into cold terror at the bottom of my brain. As I began to thrash in the undertow of horror, something within me broke that current: There was a moment of clarity, which had never before occurred during such an episode.

I saw myself in front of a giant gate, with the tsunami behind me. The gate seemed to ask if I was going to once again close myself off to the immense amount of feeling I had inside, resisting it and the potential chaos it brought. Or, would I open myself up to whatever arose, ride the wave through the gate, letting it flow through me, and allow the wave to drop me where it may?

At that instant, I decided to succumb to that tide inside. As the ocean of fear started to unfold into allowing, something miraculous happened: I saw and felt myself drop down, through the sandy bottom, into a cool, dry cave. 

I landed on its floor in a crosslegged position, with my eyes closed, and began to meditate. The cave felt centering, focusing, and best of all, profoundly calming. Somehow, a knowing arrive in my heart, which told me I could return anytime something was too overwhelming. 

My eyes opened, and I saw the subterranean space was filled with thousands of stalactites and stalagmites, covered in glittering crystals. They emitted an otherworldly light, which gently illuminated the cave and made it feel cozy. The beauty was beyond description.

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As we know, ancient man lived in/utilized caves. They were chosen not just for being efficient shelter, but also also because they're holes inside the earth--which provides us with its energy. Being in and on the earth charges our biological batteries.

Caves are, and have long been for man: Places of rest, dreams, healing, birth, death, and ceremony. These grounding spaces are ones of primal connection between humanity and the planet. 

In Plato's allegory of the cave, it is a spot where ignorance dwells...But I would like to argue that, and posit that it's only true as a metaphor of the darkness that is a willed unknowing.  

In actuality, caves have long been seats of deep, primordial wisdom. Ones that, yes, we can and should venture out from frequently--but also ones that we can and should return to regularly--as a means of essential recouperation.

If life feels overwhelming, and you need guidance, solace and/or peace, consider meditating in a cave...Even if it only exists within your imagination, that's good enough.

Close your eyes, and let your cave materialize in your mind's eye. Note all of its features: its sights, its smells and sounds, what you can feel, or even taste, if anything. Then, drive the impression of that place deep into your heart, knowing it's there for you to go to, anytime you need comfort.

JLT 10/23/24.

Suggested listening: "Hidden Place" by Bjork.